Inclusive Copywriting for Wedding Vendors
Because in 2024, it’s well past time to go beyond “bride and groom” in your wedding business
photo by The Wild Awake
My oh my, we’re all sick of only hearing about brides, brides, brides!
It’s 20-freaking-24, and while the wedding industry has been evolving towards more inclusivity, there’s still a ways to go.
I teamed up with my past client and friend Julian Kane from Althea Floral Design to talk through some ways that wedding vendors can update their website copy—and language in general!—to better support all of their clients.
If you’d like to watch the video of our convo, head over to the replay of our IG live!
And if you’re more of a reader than a viewer, this is the transcript of that conversation for you to dig into!
INCLUSIVE COPYWRITING FOR WEDDING PROS
Theresa: Today we’re going to be talking about inclusive copy, inclusive websites, and inclusive language for wedding pros!
And we have about a bajillion things to say, but we should probably introduce ourselves before we get started. So why don't you tell us who you are?
Jules: I’m Jules Kane! I own Althea Floral Design, a wedding and events floral design company in Cambridge, Massachusetts. I do weddings and events all throughout New England.
Theresa: And my name’s Theresa and I'm a website copywriter for creative small businesses, which includes a lot of wedding pros. I always say I'm about using your words for sales, self expression and saying it differently, and I think we'll probably talk about those three things today.
We first met each other through business, despite the fact that we’re neighbors, because we worked together on your website copy. And now we've become friends and now for pride month, we are psyched to talk about this topic that we both really care about. I know I'm super excited. So maybe we'll start kind of taking it back to the beginning.
Earlier in your business, before we even started working together, I had noticed that as a wedding vendor, you were already using more gender neutral and inclusive language when you talked about weddings, which really stood out in an industry that can be so cis, straight, “bride,” “groom,”-kind of traditional.
So do you want to talk about how that came about and why that was important to you?
BUILDING BUSINESSES THAT ARE SAFE FOR QUEER CLIENTS
Jules: So back when I started my business, I hadn't realized I was trans yet, but I was queer and I had a lot of close trans and queer people in my life.
And while growing my business in an industry where you’re just surrounded by the term bride, it's all “bride bride bride,” I wondered to myself, “Well, what about clients who aren't brides?”
It's interesting, given that we're in a time now where there are so many gay weddings, specifically gay male weddings, and there are no brides there. So, even when we take out trans or non-binary individuals for a sec, it still begs the question: why are we using the term "bride" everywhere?
This wasn't just within wedding vendors and other florists, but also within florist business spaces, like coaching programs, that referred to clients as brides. I was always a bit confused because not everyone's a bride.
And then, as I became more involved in the queer community, I realized that I really wanted queer and trans people to feel safe with me. And so much of that safety revolves around language. Because if you’re a non-binary person and you're trying to find a vendor you want to work with, and you go to their website and see that they're asking for the bride's name, groom's name—you think, “Well, I'm not a bride or a groom…” So what do you even say, you know?
That's the very first place that a vendor is showing you who they are. That immediately would not connect for me if I were planning my wedding again. So, I wanted people of any gender to just feel like, "Oh, I can work with this person because they're not going to assume who I am."
And it's also like, wedding planning is already the most stressful thing, you know? So to add on top of that the stress of wondering if my vendors are going to see me for who I am, or make me feel like I can't be authentic—that just adds to it. I think as a wedding vendor, it's really my job to help my clients feel super authentic, super good on their wedding day.
Florals are just such a beautiful thing. I feel like bringing joy is my favorite part of my job. And so part of that, bringing joy, is having my clients feel like they're actually being seen for who they are.
Theresa: Yeah, and I'm glad you brought up that idea of the inquiry form that still has "bride's name, groom's name," because it just shows you could have a website where people are really picking up what you're putting down—your artistry, your approach to creating florals, your relationship with them. They could think you're really cool and fun. They're like, "Yeah, I really want to work with this person."
And then they get to that inquiry form, and it's like, "I thought we were on the same page. I was really into what you were saying, but now I'm in this really uncomfortable position of having to identify in a way that doesn't resonate with me just to get in touch with you."
Jules: Yeah, exactly. And that is like their very first connection with someone.
Now that it’s Pride month, you start seeing images on Instagram and social media of queer couples, usually gay or lesbian couples. I think it’s absolutely great for bringing more visibility, but what has been very fascinating to me, and kind of frustrating, is that I see wedding vendors post a picture of a lesbian couple getting married, and say, "Love is love, we care about this." They may be showing that image, but then when you go to their website and you look at their copy, the way their language is, it's not actually inclusive to the LGBTQIA+ community.
So I think if you're advertising to brides, or if you’re not asking for pronouns on your inquiry forms, these are things that can just turn queer people away because they're like, "Well, they may have a picture of a lesbian couple on their website and Instagram, but they're not really walking the walk. They're not actually doing anything.They're just showing a picture.”
I think taking action and using inclusive language is one of the most important things. I think, as I'm currently transitioning, I'm really realizing how important language is to me being able to feel good in my day-to-day. That’s part of the reason I think it's super cool to be friends with you as a copywriter, because you think about this all the time:
How does language impact people, how does it impact the way we’re trying to connect with our potential clients?
Because that's really what we want. Clients want vendors that they feel good about, and vendors want clients that they feel good about, making that connection and the right fit on both sides. So, using that language to really get those ideal clients or ideal vendors on both sides is very cool.
Theresa: I love that you brought up those images because wedding photography is obviously everywhere in the industry, not just for photographers, but even for you as a florist, you use images from weddings to show what you create as well.
Imagery is a really powerful way to show people that they belong, to show, "Yes, I shoot weddings with people like you." And we also want to make sure that the language matches as well, so that there's not a gap.
Think about a photographer who is thrilled to shoot weddings for all different types of couples, but if the website is still reflecting that typical, overly gendered "bride and groom" language, it creates a disjoint and also makes someone think, "Wait a minute. So, where do I fit here? Am I really welcome here?"
I think most wedding pros do genuinely want to be a safe place, and there are ways that you can use language to really talk the talk and walk the walk.
SIMPLE SWAPS FOR MORE INCLUSIVE LANGUAGE
Theresa: So I know when we worked together you had kind of already started developing your own vocabulary—do you want to talk us through some of the terms you prefer?
Jules: Yeah, it's been fun! Nearlywed is one of my favorites. Instead of saying bride or groom, I use the term nearlywed because there really isn't otherwise a great non-gendered word like that out there.
I think nearlywed is just a fun, playful way of talking about potential clients. There’s a tendency for wedding vendors, whether you’re talking within the floral community or the wedding vendor community, to refer to your clients in general as “brides.” But I’ve been trying to say “clients” or “nearlyweds” to try and get this going a little bit more.
And for me, again, if I were to get married right now as a non-binary person I would not be a bride or a groom, so “nearlywed” is one of my favorites.
Another term I don’t use is “bridal bouquet.”
"Bridal" is in front of everything, especially within weddings. You've got the bridal bouquet, the bridesmaid's bouquet, the bridal table feature—it's everywhere. So instead of calling it the bridal bouquet, my big change is I call it the primary bouquet to denote that it’s larger. It's the primary focus, versus the secondary bouquets, which are what the attendants hold if they choose to hold a bouquet. That's instead of calling them bridesmaids' bouquets.
I also don’t refer to bridesmaids or groomsmen, and I call them attendants instead. I'll say, for example, "Okay, three of your attendants want secondary bouquets, and four of your attendants want boutonnieres."
If I'm creating designs for a suit wearer, I might ask questions like, "Do you want a floral lapel? Do you want a pocket square boutonniere? Do you want a simple boutonniere?" Or, if it's a dress wearer, I might ask, "Do you want a crown? Do you want to be holding flowers?"
It's not about taking gender completely out of it, but still understanding that the clothes you're going to wear will impact the florals you probably want to wear and how you want to present yourself.
So those are my big changes that I've been using in my business, from my inquiry form to my design questionnaire that potential clients fill out, to when I send the invoice and we talk together. I use all of this language.
And I do tend to pick up if someone starts to refer to themselves as the bride or as the groom, I will use that because they're self-identifying as a bride or groom. I don't say, "Oh, you know, I never use the term bride or groom. Let’s get rid of that." I think it's perfectly okay to refer to your clients as a bride if they refer to themselves as a bride.
I always wait until they self-identify before assuming that they are a bride, a groom, or anything else.
Theresa: I think what you just shared about not making assumptions is one of the most important things, both for copy and also just how you're relating to the couples you're working with.
I remember when we were working together, an obvious choice for me was to use terms that were more open-ended and flexible.
Why do we call it the bridal party when it can simply be the wedding party? Or instead of saying flower girl, we said flower child, because any child can walk down the aisle and throw petals—they don't have to be a girl. So we made those changes in terms of the actual words and type of language we used.
But another thing we also did was to paint a different picture—or more than one picture—as we were giving examples and talking to people in their copy about what they could expect from florals. I remember we were super conscious not to tell a story that only women are interested in flowers. It's like you said, everything is geared towards brides, assuming that brides are probably the one who cares, and the grooms are just along for the ride.
We really tried to not make those assumptions, to be much more open-ended, to get out of that sort of default idea that, “There's a bride and a groom and she's wearing a big poofy dress. And then there's the mother of the bride and the father of the bride, and the father of the groom and the mother of the groom,” like that board game "Life" that has all those little plastic people.
So instead, we’d say things like, “Whether you're wearing a dress, a jumpsuit, a suit, or something else that's really cool, here are the florals we can create. Maybe you want a bouquet, maybe you want a flower crown, maybe you want a really cool statement piece pinned to your lapel.”
It wasn't that we weren't specific, but we were being more flexible so people could see themselves reflected back in multiple examples as opposed to feeling like, "Oh, I just don't really see myself here," in this one version of what a wedding day looks like or one version of what a couple looks like.
Jules: Yeah, absolutely. I actually meant to tell you, I got an inquiry recently and the person inquiring used he/him pronouns and was looking for a floral lapel for his suit as well as a bouquet for himself. I got this and I was like, "Yes, my people have found me!"
I know they went through my website and these are the kinds of people that I want to be able to find me, to feel like, "Hey, I'm a guy, I'm wearing a suit, but I want to be covered in flowers. Actually, I kind of want a bouquet. I want to hold a big, beautiful, huge bouquet. Why can't I do that and feel comfortable and excited about coming to me and not feel weird about asking for that?" Because I think everyone should be holding flowers on their wedding day. Everyone should be just covered in flowers!
It was really cool to see, that yes, using this type of copy and this type of language is actually bringing the people that I want to me.
Because that’s really how you start to make a connection with your customers and have people see, "Oh, yeah, it's like I can ask this florist for two bouquets and I don't have to act weird about it or anything."
INCLUSIVITY FUELS CREATIVITY
Theresa: This is a side note that could take us down a whole other rabbit hole of artistry… but as we were talking, it really made me think that using more open ended language also leaves you with so much more room to be creative.
Like if you as the florist were only thinking, “Okay, like what do I do for the woman in a dress? And what do I do for the man in a suit?,” you don't get to do all of those cool personals and wearables that you’ve developed in your business over time.
So I think being more open minded in the way you communicate also translates into more creativity and making really cool things that maybe we've never seen before, or that aren't so stuck in this box or this box.
Jules: Exactly! I keep saying I think suit wearers need more flowers. Even when you're wearing a suit, no matter what gender you are, we can go beyond just the small boutonniere. If you want a bunch of flowers, it's your wedding!
And flowers aren't gendered either, you know? I think starting to get out of that “flowers are a feminine thing” is super important because anyone of any gender can enjoy flowers. Your wedding day is one of the only times in your life that you are surrounded by this many flowers and so just go for it, own it, you know?!
Theresa: Totally. That also reminds me of a part of your copy that I really loved writing—we were talking about the fact that flowers and botanicals have been used over centuries for special occasions, for healing, for celebration. So this idea that only women like flowers or you have to be super girly to like flowers is just ahistorical… and un-fun! It limits everyone's ability to be creative and covered in beautiful blooms for their wedding day.
INCLUSIVITY TIPS FOR WEDDING PROFESSIONALS
Theresa: But speaking of being able to kind of grow, be more creative, I'm so curious. What are some of the ways you would like to see the industry move in a more inclusive direction? You've already implemented a bunch of these practices, and I see more and more people becoming more inclusive, which is great. But where do we go from here?
Jules: Great question.
I mean, truly, if I were going to give advice to a wedding vendor who wants to be more inclusive in the way they market, the number one thing would be to simply ask for pronouns.
Include a field for pronouns in your inquiry form on your website, whether you're a florist, a venue, a planner, or a cake maker. Ask for the name, but don't ask for "bride's name" or "groom's name." Just ask for "client one name," and then ask for pronouns.
Asking for pronouns is so important because you don't want to make assumptions about someone's pronouns based on their name or how they express themselves. I personally get gendered as "she" 95 percent of the time, but I'm not a "she." I use they/he pronouns.
Asking someone's pronouns also makes them feel like, "Oh, this person cares about who I am and my identity, and how I can be authentic when I show up." And obviously, using and respecting those pronouns is super important, and not making assumptions on gender or pronouns based on how someone looks, their name, or how they dress.
So that truly is super simple to do and implement, and I think it makes a world of difference.
The second thing is changing some of your language.
Like I said before, don't necessarily say "bridal bouquet" because a man could be asking for a bouquet, and it would be awkward if I was like, "Okay, one bridal bouquet for you, sir." Like, no, it's just a large, abundant, beautiful bouquet! So I say "primary bouquet."
So, changing language around that and just taking out the gendered terms that don't need to be gendered is huge.
And then third, stop referring to all of your clients as brides.
Just refer to them as your clients if you're talking within the floral community or within your own vendor community.
I think using gender-neutral language like "clients" or "nearlyweds" can really go a long way in starting to change the general culture of it being so bride-centric. It really starts within florists and within the vendor community. If we're just talking about "bride, bride, bride," it's going to be hard to make the world feel more inclusive to our clients if internally we're using this language. So I think even when vendors are talking vendor to vendor, using more gender-neutral language is important.
Theresa: Yeah, I think even beyond the importance of being more inclusive when it comes to gender by moving away from the word "bride" so much, it's just that if it's a wedding, two people are getting married.
And the idea that in 2024, vendors are still acting like the bride is sort of the only one who's fully present for this experience or the only one who really cares and is here to plan is just such an outdated notion. We've moved beyond this idea, right? So let's update the language beyond this idea too.
If I was giving advice to wedding pros about what you could do right now, what you could even do today to make your website, your emails you're sending, or your social captions that much more inclusive, just a little bit—definitely go audit your language.
See where you're still saying "bride and groom," "bridal party," "bridesmaids," "flower girl"—it's everywhere.
But then after that, I would also say to audit the assumptions that you're making. Try to read what you're writing through the lens of, “Is this assuming that everyone fits this traditional mold?”
I'll never forget when I was getting married—and I'm a cis straight lady who got married to a cis straight guy!—and still, all the bride and groom stuff even felt a little off-putting to me.
I remember when I was looking through a guide about preparing to get your engagement photos done. Not only was it all about bride and groom, but the only outfit suggestions for women were dresses. It was all about, "Here are the dress shapes to wear to make your body look a certain way so you can look really feminine, and here's what he should wear." And I was like, "Oh, I wasn't actually planning on wearing a dress for one of my looks in my engagement shoot…"
I was shocked by how much it really did make me feel like, "Wait, I'm not going to be as pretty or even as worthy for these photos if I'm not wearing a flowing dress." Any of those guides could have been more inclusive by talking about prints, patterns, even shapes, but just not operating under the assumption that every single woman is going to want to wear a dress.
So take a look at your language and then also take a look at anywhere you could be just a little bit more open-ended or provide multiple examples for people to identify with. And that can go a long way to making people feel seen, welcome, and safe through your words.
Jules: Yeah, exactly. And I think that offering choices is key.
Don't just say, "Okay, so you're referring to yourself as a bride and you're wearing a dress, so you want a bridal bouquet." In my questionnaire, I offer a whole list of personals, and those personals range from a primary bouquet to a floral lapel, floral earrings, floral necklaces, floral rings, and lapels—anything you could imagine. It's about offering everything to the client, and then they can select what they want. It also gets them more excited because they're like, "Oh, I always just thought it was either a bouquet or a boutonniere, and now you're telling me I can get a floral lapel? What is this?"
And I think it’s about bringing more creativity to it, too, and not just as a floral artist, putting myself into a box of, "Okay, now I'm just doing all these boutonnieres," but instead, getting more interesting with it. And I think other wedding vendors can do the same.
Theresa: Yeah! So maybe we'll leave it there. Everyone's assignment is to check out your website for ways you could kind of tweak those assumptions a little bit.
Cheers to more inclusivity, more artistry, more creativity, more seeing what incredible things we can make when we just liberate ourselves a little bit from those boxes that we've been in for so long.
I always say I am DEVASTATED that we weren't friends yet when I got married because your personal wearables are unreal. Y'all, if you’re getting married in New England, you just have to hire Jules because the stuff that they make is so great, interesting, and beautiful and does things with florals that I have never seen before. Go to Althea Floral Design and hire Jules for an upcoming wedding!
I should also say, if you're someone who needs help with your website words, that's what I'm here for. I'm a website copywriter and it is so freaking fun to do what I do and to work with creative amazing weirdos.
Jules: Your work on my website literally changed everything. I can't thank you enough. Seriously, it really felt like we did the copy and I immediately started getting those clients that I like—those clients who wanted me and I wanted them.
It truly felt like this ideal thing. And so, for me, that was really like, "Oh, language really, really matters." Not in an icky sales way, but in a way that helps everyone find and work with people who they're excited about.
Theresa: Yeah, that's where that self expression and saying it differently part really comes in!
So if you’re curious about bringing in a copywriter to support you in this, go check out done-with-you website copywriting or brand messaging and custom web copy for the full shebang.
Wanna keep chatting about this? Have questions? Find us on IG!
You can find me at @littleflamecreative and Jules at @althea.floral.boston.
We could talk about this all day, so feel free to say hey and message us!
Meet Theresa, your Copywriter
I’m Theresa Sullivan, the Founder and Copywriter behind Little Flame Creative. I specialize in brand messaging and website copy for creative and purpose-full businesses because I believe that every entrepreneur deserves thoughtful copy that truly fits–not words they have to fit into.
We can team up on Brand Messaging + Custom Web Copy projects, as well as my signature Done-With-You Copy process—and you can find out more about working together right here!
Meet Julian, your floral artist
My mission? Creating enchanting kaleidoscopic flower magic for every celebration!
And I’ve never met a design that’s too big or too bold.
I’m Julian Kane, your color curator, stem stylist, and Massachusetts-based florist.
At Althea Floral Design, I believe in creating one-of-a-kind floral art that expresses who you are, enchants your guests, and creates a whole vibe for an unforgettable celebration.
When we work together, you’re not just buying blooms—you’ll get expressive, original floral art that brings beauty and joy to life all around you.
So let’s dream, play, and design a moment that’ll be the most memorable!